Dating and relationships have become a booming business in America. From movies and TV shows to countless dating websites, everyone wants to ‘help’ us meet our perfect mate. But is it really that difficult? We meet people all the time. At work, at supermarkets, at bookstores, gas pumps, friend gatherings and of course bars and clubs. What most of us need help with is what to do once we meet someone. Many times we let go of someone worthy or stick around too long with the exact opposite. So what should we do? How do we stop the revolving dating door and find a worthwhile partner? Over time I have used five ideals that help find that special someone amongst all those other fish but more importantly, these maxims help remove ourselves from cyclically harmful relationships. These 5 edicts are: Remain True and Give it Time, It’s About Honesty Stupid, Keep the Change Because People Don’t Change, What’s Good for the Gander is Not always Good for the Goose and I’ll Take Sexual Compatibility for $100 Alex. In this Article I highlight the first ideal, Remain True and Give it Time.
When a couple first begins dating, most of the time, everything goes great. The guy opens doors and allows the girl to pick the movie and dinner. He brings flowers. She laughs at all his jokes and may even watch sports with him even if she does not want to. We all do things outside the norm preoccupied with impressing our new found partner.
Unfortunately, 99% of the time, what we portray those first few days or weeks is not reality. We act in the ways we believe our partner wants us to. We want so much to thrill the other person we often set a baseline of behavior that we are either unable or unwilling to maintain. Then we or our partner fall short of this and disappointment sets in. How many times have we heard our friends or even muttered ourselves, “everything was going well then he/she changed” or “he/she was not at all like I thought.”?
While it is always a good idea to impress when starting a relationship it is important to not go too far and best to limit ourselves. Do not agree to everything and anything that goes against your basic beliefs and ideals just for the sake of making a positive impression. For instance if you are not the type of person that goes out clubbing and drinking every weekend, do not make a habit of it if dating someone who does. Let them know that while you are not against a good time, a constant party lifestyle is not suited to your life. While pulling the chair out for your date at dinner is great guys, if you only do it once or twice she will notice and the act will turn detrimental.
On the flip side, when rating your date, keep these things in mind and take their actions with a grain of salt. Just because they do one thing one time does not mean they will always behave that way. They probably are also doing their best to keep you interested. Take your time and observe the subtleties of their actions and words. If a guy is happy to watch ‘Mamma Mia!’ with you don’t assume that means he loves musicals and chick flicks or that he will do whatever it takes to please you. Do assume that he is willing to step outside his comfort zone once in a while for you.
Do not give too much weight (positive or negative) to the first few weeks of a relationship. Like most things, relationships need time to build and grow into a long lasting one. More importantly we need time to get to know each other at a deeper level and that is what strong relationships are based on not the fluff we encounter early on.