If your young adult children are going to come home from college for summer break or maybe to live at home with you again for a while then you have to make sure that they become comfortable again at home. To do this there are some things that you should not do. In this article I will talk about those things so if this sounds interesting then keep reading.
– Don’t treat them like children again
Don’t baby your young adult at all! Don’t try to act like you can control them or tell them what to do, how to do it, and when to do it because this will not make them feel good about having come home. They need to know that they will be treated like the young adults that they are and not like little kids again. The best way to let them know that they are not going to be treated as children is to tell them and then act like it. Don’t try to give them too much advice on anything unless they ask, don’t question them too much, and don’t tell them that things are expected of them.
– Don’t assume that you know what’s going on
If you want to make your child feel comfortable being back home then don’t assume anything when it comes to them; don’t assume you know what’s going on in their lives at all and don’t try to talk to them like if you know something they don’t. Let your kids ask you for advice, don’t go around just telling them that you’ve been through the same things and that they should be doing what you did or didn’t do. They need to learn from their own experiences even if you don’t like that. They will not like it if you’re telling them that you know how they feel all the time because honestly you truly don’t.
– Don’t try to control them
If you tell them that you are the parent and that you have the ability to set rules for them and that they will have follow those rules then you are wrong. They should not have a million and one house rules that you’ve implemented to have control over their lives as this will only make them want to leave your house immediately because they will not need that. Instead try talking to them beforehand about what you expect from them when they come home. Mention things like, “Please let me know at what time you will be home if you’re going to be out past 2am just so that I don’t get worried,” or “Can you please do … if it’s at all possible for you to do it.” Don’t ever try to make them do something just because that’s what you want; if they’re 18 years old they will tell you that they don’t have to do what you say and you will not like it.
– Don’t lie or talk about them behind their backs
If you are going to lie and talk about them behind their backs and they hear you then this will surely not be you trying to make them feel comfortable. If you have something to say about them make sure to confront them and not go telling everyone else. Treat your young adults like young adults and talk to them if something is bothering you. Lying and gossip will not solve anything and it will only make them feel like guests in your home.
– Don’t invade their privacy
Whatever you do, if you’re trying to keep things comfortable for your kid who’s home from college for the summer or maybe even just for a while, don’t invade their privacy! This will cause major problems and it will create a relationship between you that’s not based on trust at all. They need to be able to have privacy in their bedrooms, while they’re on the phone, while they’re on their computer and basically when they’re doing anything. Try not talking unless you’re spoken too, but don’t make things awkward. Just go about doing the things just the way you did them when they weren’t there and things will be fine. Don’t go snooping or trying to find out what’s going on with them by going into their bedrooms at any time either.