First, let me cite my original inspiration to write this article. Harlen Qualls, a fellow writer with Associated Content, wrote the article, The Nine Fastest Ways to Get On a Woman’s Bad Side. In the article, Harlen discusses what I would call an easy-going wife, and what a man should know to avoid jeopardizing his relationship with her. I would go one step beyond. I would discuss the loving wife who is not so easy-going. This wife gives you a mission…
Your Mission – The Towels
Your Mission, should you choose to accept it, is to wash, dry, fold, and put away the towels while your wife goes shopping.
Wife: “I want you to wash the towels on hot, and be sure to wait until you see the water flowing before you add the detergent. Add this much detergent. Pour up to this line in the softener lid and pour it here.”
Husband: “Yes, Dear.”
Wife: “When the towels are done, open the washer and transfer them to the drier. Be SURE not to drop any of the towels or washcloths on the floor. Do you hear me?”
Husband: “Yes, Dear, I hear you.”
Wife: “Good. Now before you dry the towels, I want you to pull out the lint trap and remove all the lint. Then throw the lint into that trashcan over there…”
Wife (not noticing the Ok): “…then close the door tight, set it on More Dry – the temperature’s already set – and push the button.”
Wife: “Listen for the beeper. Don’t get absorbed in the TV so much that you can’t hear the beeper. I don’t want the towels to sit and get wrinkled. As soon as you hear the beeper, come downstairs and pull out the towels and put them in that hamper. DON’T DROP ANY OF THE TOWELS, d’ye hear?”
Wife: “Then take them upstairs, fold them, and put them away. I’m on my way. If you need me for anything, you’ve got the cellphone.”
Husband: “Bye, Dear.”
An hour goes by, almost two. Your son comes into the room.
Son: “Dad, the beeper’s beeping.”
Dad: “Oops! Thanks.” Knowing his wife will be back any time and feeling guilty, he flies downstairs, quickly rakes the towels into the hamper, and returns upstairs in front of the TV to fold them while he watches the rest of his murder mystery. Ten minutes later, they’re all folded, and he puts them where they go.
Twenty minutes later,
Wife: “I’m home. Did you fold the towels?” After hearing, “Yes,” she goes to the linen cupboard and says, Thomas N. Burnsides,¹ do you call THAT folding the towels? Don’t you know how to fold towels? Didn’t your mother EVER teach you how to fold towels?”
Husband: “I’m sorry, Dear.”
In fact, the towels are folded pretty decently, but Tom didn’t do it according to the method of MRS. Thomas N. Burnsides. Thinking back on his 25 years of marriage, Mr. Burnsides turns the other way, and proffers to the universe a Mona Lisa smile.
Oh. If Tom had folded them properly? In that case, Mrs. Burnsides would have pointed out an entirely different mistake. So, you husbands, be sure you always leave some relatively unimportant thing wrong with what you have done. You don’t want your wife to become completely frustrated. After all, it’s the wife’s duty to keep you on your toes. Don’t take the pleasure of doing her job away from her.
¹ Name Changed to Protect the Guilty.