Learning to accept someone for who they are is often easier said than done. There are men who often look for the superwoman: A woman who is beautiful, intelligent, submissive yet independent, nurturing, caring and who can be all things at all times. There are women who often look for men who are like prince charming: handsome, rich, powerful, romantic, slightly sensitive and very attentive to their wants and needs. There is a small problem in all of this realistically no one person can be all these things, and what happens naturally is disappointment due to unfulfilled expectations.
One question should come to mind as one seeks happiness or validation in a relationship, “Do I know and accept who I am?” If the answer to this question is no then quite frankly no person can provide the self esteem that the other person is lacking. The bigger picture in all of this is the disheartening reality that many of us seek validation through many external things. The belief that if a person could change x, y or z about themselves everything would be better is like setting up a recipe for disaster. The reality is if a person changes to please someone else there is a possibility that the other person could still be unhappy. True love is about compromise but it should not be at the expense of losing one’s identity.
As young girls, the first introduction to a perfect male and female relationship is in the idols of Ken and Barbie. Barbie was a symbol of female perfection and Ken was the perfect man. Barbie had a big house, beautiful clothes and was showered with gifts as a sign of affection. Ken was the gentlemen with charisma and the nice car to sweep Barbie off her feet. The young girl doesn’t grasp the concept that Ken and Barbie are fictional figures created for little girls to play with in a make believe world. There is also the story of Cinderella meeting her prince charming one magical night and their reuniting to live happily ever after. Both of these instances supplied a picture painted with smooth layers without calling any attention to the rough spots in relationships. Love in storybooks is perfect and mesmerizing while human beings are complex, complicated and often times indecisive. The biggest problem of living in a fairytale world is that people are imagined as the perfect ideal instead of the person they truly are.
There is a belief that when men fall in love they fall hard. Men and women have different views and expectations of relationships. Men are visual and often seek pleasure in things that they can see. This is not to say that men are only lustful but to gain an understanding of the male psyche. Men are equally in pursuit of long lasting relationships and are willing to commit but not always when it is being dictated to them. Men often battle with fulfilling society’s definition of manhood and satisfying women’s expectation of what a man should be.
Finding that special someone to share hopes, wishes and dreams with in the comfort of embracing one’s own weaknesses is a challenging task. In order to freely expose one’s flaws the person must love and cherish who they are and never seek completion through the pursuit of someone else. The question is, “Is the person ready for love and not just the idea of being in love?” This question must be answered or a person may find themselves living unhappily ever after.