“Rock Week” on American Idol opened with an announcement from Ryan Seacrest that part of the show’s set had collapsed and shattered earlier in the day, forcing the contestants to forgo an on-stage dress reheasal. American Idol producers, refusing to recognize a desperate plea from the gods to stop Adam Lambert from spraying mountains of Easy Cheese all over the Led Zeppelin classic “Whole Lotta Love,” insisted that the “show must go on.”
Adam Lambert is one of the few performers that has the vocal range to perform “Whole Lotta Love.” Even Robert Plant can’t hit most of those notes anymore. It’s not Lambert’s voice that’s the problem. It’s that he looks like he went shopping for his outfits at Rock-Starz-R-Us. And the hairdo is just plain silly. Adam Lambert peppered his rendition of “Whole Lotta Love” with his trademark carefully practiced pouts and sneers at the camera like a trained rock and roll seal.
The rest of American Idol rock night provided viewers with the usual horror show. Paula Abdul (or a wax figure very much resembling her) was dressed like a Coney Island hooker for the night in a super low-cut, high-cut sailor’s dress.
Kara DioGuardi made another idiotic statement saying that she thought Danny Gokey should have passed on Aerosmith’s “Dream On,” and gone for one of their “earlier” hits “Cryin’,” or “Crazy.” “Dream On,” was written in 1973, 20 years before the “Alicia Silverstone Video Period” for Aerosmith in the early ’90s. Thanks again Kara for letting the world know that women really know how to ROCK.
Randy Jackson said that Alison Iraheta could “sing her face off,” but that he didn’t like that she picked Janis Joplin’s “Cry Baby.” In an uncharacteristic move, Alison Iraheta talked back to the judges’ panel this week to defend her performance. It was great to see that what made Alison Iraheta finally lose it was hearing Simon Cowell say: “I would have done the Queen song.” Iraheta, who is normally reserved and respectful during the judging, lost it. “It’s NOT a Queen song,” she steamed. A girl after my own heart.
The rest of American Idol rock week night consisted of a pair of embarrassing “sing-off” type performances that the show producers billed as “duets” and a creepy performance of The Beatles’ “Come Together” by a semi-moustached Kris Allen.
American Idol rock week is a little bit like drinking a whole case of non-alcoholic beer. It leaves you feel bloated, confused and like you somehow got cheated out of the good part.