We insure our houses, our cars, our health, and even our deaths. We have insurance for fires and floods, earthquakes and tornadoes. But alien abduction insurance? Yes, it’s true. You can even insure yourself against alien abduction, although you might have trouble proving a claim.
What exactly is alien abduction insurance?
In the unlikely event that you get abducted by aliens, alien abduction insurance will give you a bunch of money. If you get abducted and never return, the beneficiary of your insurance policy will receive the money. Alien abduction insurance works just like any other disaster insurance, just with aliens instead of bad weather.
Simon Burgess, the former head of London insurance company Goodfellow Rebecca Ingram Pearson (GRIP) has sold about 30,000 alien abduction insurance policies. He even sold the Heaven’s Gate cult a group insurance policy for $1,000 before their mass suicide. While he briefly stopped selling the policy after the tragedy, he is back in business for those who fear little green men.
What sort of benefits do I get for alien abduction?
For about $150 per year, you can insure yourself for $160,000. The payout is double if you are impregnated with an alien baby. Supposedly, both men and women are eligible to make this claim. GRIP has yet to pay out any claims on their alien abduction insurance policy.
The St. Lawrence Agency, a spoof Florida insurance company, also promises that for $19.95, you will be paid $10,000,000 for an alien abduction, and twice that if you are impregnated or used as a food source by the aliens. Unfortunately, they pay out a claim at the rate of $1.00 per year for 10,000,000 years or you die, whichever comes first. So far they have awarded claims to two purchasers of the policy.
If alien abduction insurance exists, what other sorts of wacky insurance policies can I buy?
GRIP has also sold policies that insure against immaculate conception (think Mary and baby Jesus) and getting hit by a meteor. If you are particularly talented or beautiful, you can insure your singing voice, your hair, or your pitching arm through many insurance companies. You can insure stud animals against failure to perform, and you can insure pets against cancer.
The sky is the limit, ahem, when it comes to insuring against calamities and protecting your valuable assets. The sad thing is that people buy insurance policies that reflect their biggest fears, and it seems like these days we are afraid of an awful lot.
Haddock, Vicki. “Don’t sweat alien threat: Insurance policies cover everything from UFO abduction to vampire bites.” San Francisco Chronicle, 18 October 1998.
Lankford, Kimberly. “Weird insurance,” Kiplinger’s Personal Finance Magazine. October 1998. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1318/is_n10_v52/ai_21136401/
“Simon Burgess” British Insurance. 8 June 2006.