Mike Taylor and his girlfriend Tiffany Titface are taking a peaceful and romantic stroll down the Jersey shore’s beach. For the most part this part of the beach is private and secluded from the other filthy drug needle infested parts of Jersey. Seagulls fly over their heads as some float down to peck on one of the Jersey’s mob’s former family member. The really only other people on this beach happen to be nude, enjoying their naturalist rights. The waves smack on to the sand, the tiny little bubbles pass under Mike and Tiffany’s toes, oh that tingling feeling. Mike looks up to the sky and sees the blistering December sun beating down upon his face, his lips and nose are starting to get chapped and he knows the only cure for that is some tender loving from his woman.
“Oh Mike I just love the beach”, Tiffany sighed romantically. “It really brings me back to years ago when my family would go to the shores across the U.S. every summer. Collecting sea shells with my little brother Bobby, building sand castles, throwing jellyfish down mommy’s swimsuit,…..aah it sure brings back memories. Now I can only hope I’ll have lots of memories with you on this beach Mike”, Tiffany gave a pleasurable grin towards her man, she loved him so and hadn’t cared like this for someone since Rainbrow Brite was still on TV.
Before Mike can make his move, he sees an unidentified floating object that passes before the sun. It’s shape eclipses a bit of the Sun’s almighty power but not enough to ruin Mike’s day. Mike had planned this whole thing out to get Tiffany away from her parents. Today was their three week anniversary, and Mike was ready to pop the question, the BIG question. He looks into Tiffany’s deep dark eyes and feels his knees go weak.
“Tiffany there’s something I would like to ask you”, Mike claims and slowly reaches his hand around to his back pocket. He can feel the form of the wedding ring pressed against his ass cheeks. The cubic zirconia has really been digging into him all day and it was about time he found some relief.
“Oh anything Mike, please lay it on me”, Tiffany had a feeling what he was about to say. Her breathing was heaving in and out for anticipating this moment after thirteen long years.
“Ok well you see it’s that…”, Mike slowly crouches down to one knee when he is suddenly interrupted by an irritating sound. A sound almost like Aquaman’s calls to his fish buddies. A call that of course did nothing when Aquaman was a member of the Superfriends which denies his right of being a superhero entirely. That guy should have been a Prince of Tides or something like that. I mean talking to fish as a super power what’s that all about, what if you’re in a domesticated area or something. Oh but I’m losing my train of thought here. Like I was saying a sound had bleeped all across the Atlantic shore line. Mike looked up and saw a purple spiral emit from where he saw that big black shape in the sky.
Little did Mike know of what kind of diabolical plan was being hatched about him. That big black object in the sky was huge space station called the THX-1138. The government had sent it up there years ago and they had this plan on how to beat Canada and become the most dominant military force once again. This satelite created gamma radiation so intense and powerful that it would not either kill the person or let them survive. It kept the being lifeless and deathless at the same time. The being that becomes hit with this ray only has the encompassing desire to feast on the living. Especially the living’s juicy suppulant brains. The government’s plan was to make a whole army of zombies to take over their neighboring country. The test run for the THX-1138 experiment would be done on a scarcely populated and secluded part of the Jersey shore.
The purple spiral quickly made it’s descend from the heavens and quickly made it’s target. The light blinded Mike and when it subsided he rubbed his eyes to see just what the hell just happened. About twenty-five pale, scarred, torn apart, decayed, naked zombies slowly started to rise from the sands. Mike called out to them to see if they were ok and just what the hell happened, but all he got in reply from them was “UUUUUUNNNGH BRAINS”.
Mike was terrified, in all of this madness of a bad Michael Jackson video, Mike had completely forgot about his love. Did the zombies devour her already, was she blown to smithereens, or cleared from the blast. He then slightly looked over to his left and there was Tiffany all of a sudden. She no longer had and color in her eyes and she was drooling all about. She had a clumsy stumbling walk to her, almost as if she was drunk.
“Oh Tiff baby are you all right”, Mike was ready to grab her wrist and haul ass to his car.
“Oh Michael, oh my god I feel so good”, she replied. “You should join us Michael please, please Michael I must have your big fat juicy braiiiiiin”, once Mike heard her mention brain like that he knew she was a zombie too. He began to question himself, why am I not a zombie? Did God spare me? Did the blast miss me?
Well call it fate, call it the force, call it karma; but for some reason that day Mike was spared for someone out there had bigger plans meant for him. Humongous fear was raging through his body, Mike then began to cringe back he thought that just smoking weed with Tiffany a couple of minutes ago was not the best thing he could of done. He completely made him frightful and shaking about, then one of the naked zombies leapt up to Mike and tried to bite his arm. Mike just completely freaked out from seeing a naked guy.
“AAAh, naked guy. Oh god oh god, aah get away aaaah. Oh god oh god oh god. Suddenly Mike’s mood swings kicked in bad and. From mixed emotions such as frightened, to anger, to happiness; he was able to get the zombie off his frail little body. Mike kicked the zombie in the jaw and failed his arms like Tom Green heading for his car.
Mike finally reached the trunk of his 1973 pale yellow Oldsmobile, but he didn’t really get there unscathed, he had plenty of zombies including his girlfriend biting at his ankles. The trunk gave an eerie creek as he pried it open, he dug through the miscellaneous junk back there; Fangoria magazines, sleeping bag- ah there’s the ticket he thought.
Mike quickly spun around and faced the zombies. A blue cobalt steel rod was tucked under his right armpit and a box of shotgun shells in his left hand. Mike quickly started to load his weapon of mass destruction and began to quickly unload on the disciples of the government. Whatever bit of sanity remained in Mike’s body and soul quickly left him with the bullets. All he had left was muttering spontaneous words and phrases.
All he could say was “listen up you primitive screwheads. Listen is my boom stick! S-Mart’s type of the line. This sweet baby comes straight from Grand Rapids Michigan. Cherry Walnut stock, hair trigger, double-barreled Remington shotgun. You can normally find it in the Sporting goods department and it’s got a normal retail value of $109.95, so remember shop smart, shop S-MART! YOU GOT THAT!
Mike kept on screaming and screaming, most of the zombies had gone down. Click, click the shotgun went and Mike realized his barrel was empty. He looked into the box and saw only one shell was left. He loaded the bad boy in and was ready to go all out. Mike’s toy was locked and loaded and he was ready to unleash hell one last time. He then looked up and saw Tiff in front of him.
“Oh Mike honey please put that thing away, join me and together we can take over everything. You and me side by side for all eternity that’s what you want don’t you. That’s what you were going to tell me before right. So please baby, just let it down. We love one another and we were meant to be together so just come here and embrace me”, Tiff seduced and pleaded with Mike in order for him to let his guard down.
“B-b-but Tiffany, you’re not alive anymore, are you? I just don’t know what to do. I do love you and I don’t know if I can
go through with this”, Mike then began to look from the gun to Tiffany. She approached him closer, he could feel her holding him closer. From the gun, to Tiff, to the gun again; Mike’s drugged up mind wasn’t sure if he could go through with it. He has one bullet left so what should he do with himself?