Some people have extraordinary things happen to them all the time. We don’t work hard at it, hell, we hardly try at all, we’re just…well, special. If you are one of the special people, you know what I’m talking about. For the others of you, let me offer some examples.
On May 1, I started a program to get in shape for a half marathon. On May 20, I fell while jogging. You are probably wondering what makes this so special. I should first explain that I jog very slowly. My husband can walk beside me while I jog and keep up. Despite this snail-like pace, my fall resulted in a sprained left ankle and puncture wounds on my right knee that required four staples. My husband said he was surprised it took that long for me to fall.
Yesterday, while mowing the yard, I twisted my left ankle again. Nothing special about that, you’re thinking. Well, I should tell you that I was on the riding mower at the time. Yep, you heard me; I twisted my ankle using a RIDING lawnmower. Here’s what happened:
I was riding along fine. I started to mow between the recycle barrel and the dumpster, like I always do, when the mower decided to liven things up a bit. It headed straight for the side of the dumpster. I don’t know what was different about this time, only that something happened. I tried to stop the mower, but my foot missed the brake pedal and instead landed on the ground, with me almost sliding off the mower seat. Thankfully, the mower stopped before connecting with the dumpster. I got back fully on the seat, but the damage had already been done. My ankle was screaming. My husband just shook his head when I told him, and muttered, “How the hell do you twist your ankle using a riding mower.”
Still not convinced of how very special I am. Read on.
My mom came to visit a few weeks ago. We decided to go to Wal-Mart one day. We were headed down the main aisle toward the back of the store when a pair of pants jumped off the rack and attacked me! What did I get for trying to catch them before they hit the floor? A split open finger, that’s what! The tag on the pocket of the shorts cut my finger open. My mom just shook her head and laughed at me. She’s known how special I am for a long time. My husband said, “Only you could get hurt walking around Wal-mart.” (Are you seeing a pattern here?)
A friend of ours was helping my husband work on the truck a couple of weeks ago. He scrapped his knuckle removing a bolt. He said he always got hurt working on cars. I told him to be happy. He could be like me and end up black and blue after a week of never leaving the house.
He said, “Oh, you’re one of those people?”
I said, “Yep, I’m special.”