BCS Commission Endorses Iranian “Election” Results.
Al Coholik, chairman of the Bowl Championship Series Committee, recently endorsed the legitimacy of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s victory in the recent election. “Just because the guy won through questionable accounting, possible fraud, and corruption is no reason to question the legitimacy of his bajillion-point margin of victory,” Coholik said in a prepared statement. Coholik, the former GM Executive in charge of Chrysler and a former accountant for Freddie Mac, issued the statement as his first official act as the new head of the BCS. Coholik also said, “Having a complicated, unknowable system for determining an ultimate winner is the safest way to insure accuracy and legitimacy in any contest.” Ahmadinejad’s Minster of Making Him Look More Powerful than Chuck Norris, Avaazi Biisharaaf Jones, stated that Colohik’s endorsement should “put to rest this silly notion that the President of Our Nation somehow managed to simply misplace all those votes for the opposition into a paper shredder and then recycle them into toilet paper….I mean…that would just be kooky!”
North Korea threatens war….again.
For the fifteenth time this week, North Korea has stated that it will consider any action by any nation anywhere to be “an act of war against the DPRK,” adding, “this time we REALLY mean it!” North Korea’s state-run media reported that defense minister Ae-Ja Bbadori “has it on good authority” that dictator Kim Jong-Il, “is just waiting for somebody to look at us the wrong way,” and adding, “say something now, punk! Say something now!”
Favre to Return to NFL
Former Retiree-turned New York Jet-turned Retiree Brett Favre has announced plans to return to the North Fort Lauderdale area “I’ve always liked it here,” said Mittens, Favre’s cat. Favre plans to stay in “the NFL” as the locals call the area for about a year, at which time he will leave “for good” only fueling speculation as to when he’ll be back.
Iranian government, Ahmadinejad, to take their case to Social Networking Sites.
Social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook are suddenly in the spotlight as they are helping Iranian dissidents get information out of Iran under increasing censorship from the Iranian government. Now, the Iranian government, “President” Ahmadinejad, and “Actual Ruler” Ayatollah Ali Khameini have decided to take their case directly to Facebook and Twitter. So far there’s not a lot of information up on their Facebook site, but sources have confirmed that Ahmadinejad is addicted to “Bowling Buddies” and Khameini pretty much stays on the hit-list in “Mafia Wars.” Both are also said to be having trouble getting people to work on their farms in “Farm Town.” Both men’s profiles indicate that they are a fan of beards, lemonade, and theocracy. Ahmadinejad has joined the group “I BET we can find 1,000,000 Holocaust Deniers on Facebook!” while Khameini has joined “Men In Dresses.”
Obama Kills Fly, Fly Rights Advocates Outraged.
During an interview this week, President Obama swatted a fly, much to his own amusement. Fly-Rights Advocates around the country expressed,”extreme disappointment, bordering on outrage,” at the presidents actions. “Why would he do that?” asked Michelle Hairypits of FLEM, Fly-Loving Earth Mothers, an organization dedicated to fly equality. When pressed for an alternative, Hairypits said that “open dialogue and clear communication with fly-Americans” would have gotten the fly out of the White House without any “gut-shed.”