I was in Kroger two days ago and I experienced a stroke of good luck. But, before I finish the second sentence of this article, I must already digress by stating a couple of observations about my neighborhood Kroger store:
1) When you first walk in to any Kroger, there is the large picture of the store manager. At the store I shop at, the manager is a person by the name of none other than “Michael Sickman”. If that doesn’t make you wash the produce twice, nothing will.
2) Have you ever noticed that “Kroger” spelled backward is “regork”? Coincidence? I think NOT!!!
Anyhoo, I was about the only person in there. There was only one checkout lane that was open and it happened to be empty. For once I picked the fastest line! So, while paying for my items I look down and I saw a $5 bill on the floor and so I think to myself “Dang! I just dropped $5!”. I pick it up and as I do so I notice it’s folded differently than I fold my money. So, I conclude the $5 is not mine but there’s no rightful owner in sight to chase it down and give it to. Long story short, I feel a bit guilty for not being able to find the rightful owner but I shove it in my pocket faster that you can say “regork”.
*Two weeks ago I found a quarter in the parking lot, so I’m on a roll at that place*
I could have donated the money right then and there because there was one of those little clear plastic charity donation boxes for some worthy cause. But, I took the money home because…
* I keep all the money I’ve ever found in my adult life in a special can. *
This can is marked “found money”. Pretty creative name, huh? It is stored in a top-secret location in the top of my closet on the upper right shelf next to some shoe boxes. Yep, nobody will ever find it there. I counted the money in it the next morning. Including the $5 I now have a grand total of $20.44 in my found money can. My kids saw me counting the money and asked me if that was my piggy bank.
Here’s the plan: the day before I die, I’m gonna break open my found money can and blow it ALL on something special. At this point, I could buy myself a really really nice…T-shirt, or something. Actually, I was thinking $20.44 could actually pay for something a bit nicer…like…a CUSTOMIZED T-shirt! Yeah! Seeing as I plan to do this the day before I die, I think I’ll ask to wear it at my wake and funeral. I’ll get a T-shirt made special that says: “I DIED AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT”. That might make everyone attending chuckle. Then, both of them could share a laugh about all the funny stuff I did when I was alive.
Yep, that’s how I plan to use my money can. I plan to put it to good use to put the “fun” back in “funeral”!