Of course I like Cats, I just can’t eat a whole Cat by myself. Cats are one of the highest protein animals available today. It has something to do with cats having less fat or is it more taste. I dunno I’m not a scientist just a frustrated cook. Cats for cooking are getting more and more difficult to find. I’m beginning to believe the Oriental cooks have cornered the market on the prime cats.
Last month I was having a cat feed and the ASPCA picketed the dinner. Finally in desperation I invited them to eat for free. All but one of the picketers accepted my invitation. Having completed their meal I inquired how they like the cat. Two folks claim it tastes like chicken, two felt it tasted more like domestic rabbit, the rest just said “best cat we’ve ever tasted.” The majority was pleased with the Cat tail soup, I’m sure the shooters of Jack Daniels Black Label on the side helped that opinion. The chocolate covered kitten pie was a big hit too. I was grateful my assistant convinced me to not use the heads and the tails.
This week we perfected a new dish, smoked cat. Again I saved the heads and the tails for cat head cheese, cat souse, or cat tail soup. The carcass then looks and tastes a bit like rabbit. I de-boned several of the cured and smoked cats to make a smoky cat salad for the wild game feed at the VFW. They clamored for more of the smoked cat salad sandwiches and seconds on the smoked cat fillets too. I even sold several hundred pound of the smoky cat jerky.
Our Internet sales have gone through the roof. The cat head cheese and cat souse is selling faster than we can make it. The cat tail soup is now 50 gallons behind schedule. The cat faux Foie Gras is now reached one million dollars in gross sales this month. Rabi Goldstein sez we will be ready to begin kosher production next week. The special blessings will be available then, we did pass all inspections today. Father O’Malley will make it an ecumenical service and bless the remainder of the buildings. Pope Benny sends his regrets but included an order for 100# more cat faux Foie Gras.
We also have a lady that wants to buy all the hides to make coats for the poor children in Appalachia. Perhaps we could give them to her at no charge if she can prove they are for the kids. Yan called when he heard about it and offered to solicit the Oriental cooks for their skins too.
All you folks that don’t understand this is a humor piece. It is meant to be funny not taken literally. I know it is illegal to eat domestic animals in this country, but have you ever seen a cat near an Oriental restaurant? I honestly do like cats… I think they would be better served in a light barbecue sauce than any other way.