Back in March, I started playing Guitar Hero, after one of my girl friends convinced me to try it. And admittedly, it is pretty fun. The first time I played, I finally tore myself away from the game and realized that I had lost five hours of my life. I’m not joking. If you haven’t played it yet, you should try it. It’s a lot less boring than it looks. I have to admit, I was always turned off to the game when I walked through Wal-Mart and saw some 50 year-old guy with a mullet playing in his pajamas. And the guy would always be super excited because he was supposedly kicking ass. Probably because the majority of his spare time was spent in Wal-Mart playing Guitar Hero.
Since I started playing Guitar Hero, Guitar Hero 2 has been released. And now, Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80’s has come out. But I have a new idea for a Guitar Hero themed game which will blow all the rest of them away. You see, I was never a guitar player in real life, and I’m guessing a lot of other people weren’t either. The problem is, I’m way too dorky to be a guitar hero. It’s hard for me to even pretend that I’m a god of the guitar. So I’m ready to pitch a game which will be made for all the former and current (and even future) band geeks out there. Ready? Here we go.
Yeah, you read it correctly. Clarinet Hero. This game will be exactly like Guitar Hero, only instead of a guitar you play a clarinet. The game will also have the game clips where you walk out on stage with your band. It’s just that instead of a fancy schmancy guitar, you’ll be holding a clarinet. In Guitar Hero, you start out with an ordinary, run-of-the mill guitar. It’s not terrible, but there’s nothing special about it. But in Guitar Hero, as the game progresses, you can work your way up to fancier and better guitars. In Clarinet Hero, you will start off with a plastic clarinet, maybe even just a recorder, I’m not sure yet. Then, as you master your clarinet playing skills, you can move up to a wooden or even an imported French Clarinet.
To play Guitar Hero, you need to get the special controller, a fake plastic guitar. To play Clarinet Hero, you will need to get a fake plastic clarinet. The plastic clarinet will have buttons and levers on it, similar to the Guitar Hero controller. The only difference is that you will have to continually blow into the clarinet controller to make it work. So limber up your lungs and get ready to play!
Guitar Hero has all kinds of classic guitar songs, from lots of great guitar bands like Black Sabbath, Megadeth, Lynrd Skynrd, and Primus. Clarinet Hero will have all kinds of kick ass clarinet songs. You could play things like “The Blue Danube”, “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” “The Star Spangled Banner,” Jingle Bells,” and “Edelweiss.” Later, there will be a Clarinet HeroMarching Band Edition released, where you can play things like “The Hustle,” Captain and Tenille songs, the nana part from the Batman theme, the Jeopardy theme, or “Danger Zone” (from Top Gun).
In Guitar Hero, once you have consecutively hit a certain amount of correct notes, you can use your star power to rock the crowd. In Clarinet Hero, once you have consecutively hit a certain amount of correct notes, you can keep playing and everyone will stay in the same rigid position with blank expressions on their faces. But you will get bonus points. Hey, this is going to be a fun game, but we’ve got to keep it realistic. Clarinet fans don’t usually “rock out.” It’s just not their way.
In Guitar Hero, you get to play with your band. In Clarinet Hero, you will have the option of playing a clarinet solo, a clarinet duet, or playing in a large group of clarinets. Once you get very good, you will be given the option to play with two flutists and an oboe. This will really make the crowd go wild. But not really, given what we’ve already discussed about the nature of clarinet fans.
In Guitar Hero, you get to buy all kinds of bonus items as you move through the game, like cooler guitars, better songs and flashier outfits. In Clarinet Hero, you will have the option to buy high performance clarinet reeds, super efficient clarinet cleaning kits, a clarinet waterproofing set (for the Marching Band Edition), and even collapsible music stands.
With all of these great features, there’s no way that Clarinet Hero can go wrong. So how about it, Activision? Give me some Clarinet Hero action!