Okay people. We need to get something straight.
Singing in my car doesn’t justify ramming my bumper with yours!
Or flipping me off. Or cutting me off. Or slamming your brakes. Or throwing things at me. Or screaming at me.
I am not your enemy. I don’t even know who you are. But you know who you are, you wonderful idiots of the road. Every time you think someone might be doing anything at all towards you, you flip-out, and start demonstrating your most primate tendencies, crap throwing included.
Let’s get something else straight.
I have never had any road rage tendencies towards anyone. Yes, I have gotten irritated, but I don’t react like you. See, I love to drive. I roll down the window and I sing! I sing loud and I single every single word to every single song, usually accompanied by bouncing in my seat and drumming on the steering wheel. You needn’t fear me unless my elbow is resting on the window, my chin is in my hand, and I’m staring directly at your rear view mirror with dead, vacant eyes, naught a word or lyric coming from my lips.
So what exactly is my problem? Whenever I’m in my car singing, people seem to assume that I am screaming at them in the most dramatic way ever – heck, I’m even beating my steering wheel because of my uncontrollable rage!
People slam their brakes on at the last minute, leaving me in a position of nearly ramming them. They drive purposely slow while grinning at me like an ignoramus through their rear view mirrors. They jerk off the road at the last minute, scream at me as I pass, and then get behind me and tailgate mere inches while flipping me off with both hands.
Really, even if I am in my car screaming at you, why act in such a way? Do you enjoy looking like the village idiot?
Here. Because it is so hard for you to identify road rage, let me give you an example of what isn’t.
-I’m not pointing at you.
-I’m not looking at you.
-I’m seven feet behind you.
-I’m tapping the top of the steering wheel.
-I’m bouncing in some manner.
-There is music coming from my car.
-I’m singing, stupid.
But, whatever. I imagine that if you are willing to act in such a manner, you haven’t the intelligence to remember these points. Because of that, I’m forced to devise an alternate plan, a more obvious one requiring a lower IQ.
If you suspect that I am screaming at you, look at my car through your rear view mirror: you shall see a sticker that says “I’m singing stupid”. Pass me to the right or left, and you will see stickers that say “Yep, still singing, stupid”. And if you proceed to get behind me and commence your road rage, you shall see a final sticker that says “I have a shotgun, stupid”.