1.Give Yourself Time to Mope…. There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad and depressed over the loss of your ex, especially if you were dumped coldly or out of the blue. Take time to reminisce about all of the beautiful times you shared, and all the beautiful times you thought you would eventually share.
Look over the old love letters she wrote you, or all the stuffed animals he gave you. Listen to all of the sad heartbreaking love songs that intensify your pain, wait by the phone for him or her to call, and when he or she doesn’t cry your eyes out. It’s normal and everyone has done it at least once in their life.
2. But Keep the Moping to a Limit. Getting out your grief is one thing, but obsessing over it for months and months is another thing entirely. Even if you’re heartbroken there has to be a time when you say enough is enough and you move on. So give yourself a time limit to be hurt about it when the initial shock wears off. If you think you’ll need a week or even a month to just feel sorry for yourself then take it, but you need to be clear with yourself that after a certain date you’re no longer going to put your energy into this person, and that you’re going to move on with your life.
3. Don’t Keep Thinking About the Ex. After the date arrives when you promised yourself you’d move on don’t think about the relationship you used to have and don’t think about the person you used to date. Of course it’s going to be difficult, because as soon as you hear a certain song, your ex’s face will pop into your memory, or when you see a couple walking down the street you’ll be reminded of your relationship.
Yet every time this happens instead of dwelling on the thought, switch your mind something else. Start thinking about a friend, a hair appointment, a book, or even what you’re going to eat for dinner, whatever it takes to get your mind off of your ex is what you should think. Eventually, it will become easier and easier the more you practice, and eventually you won’t be thinking about your ex at all.
4. Don’t Bring Your Ex Up To Friends. While you’re still in the process of getting over your break-up, friends will began to talk about their relationships and you’ll want to chime in about yours. Or they’ll ask you if you talked to your ex, and you’ll want to spill your guts out all over again. Yes go to your friends for support when you first break-up, but eventually you’ll have to stop talking about your old relationship.
Talking about your ex is the same thing as thinking about him. So until you can stop caring about what your ex is doing, or what your ex thinks about you don’t bring him/her up into your conversations until you’ve really healed (and by that time you won’t want to bring him/her up at all). If your friends happen to ask you about your relationship or your ex, change the subject or tell them you’d rather not talk about it.
5. Make New Plans. If you were in a long term relationship chances are you made plans with your ex in them. When your relationship ends sometimes what hurts the most is the realization that the dreams you had aren’t going to come true.
Try to understand that your dreams can still come to fruition, only your ex won’t be apart of that picture. Don’t focus on the pat, focus on what you want now. If you thought you and your ex were going to move into a house within five years, and you’re hurt that you won’t, figure out if you still want that house, and if you do, make it your goal to get it. If you find that while you were in a relationship you had the urge to be more adventurous or start a new career but you didn’t feel your ex would be supportive, realize that now you have the freedom to do whatever you want.
So start to make new plans for yourself, and began to live out new dreams. Because life goes on whether you’re in a relationship or not, it might not be your plan A, but who says a plan B won’t be just as or even more enjoyable?
6. Whatever You Do, Don’t Become Bitter. Yes you might be upset with your ex because of the way your relationship ended, and you might be upset for quite awhile. But eventually, in order for you to be truly happy in your new life you have to come to a place of gratitude for the entire relationship whether it was good or bad. Your relationship taught you something about yourself, even if the way you learned it was painful. Be grateful for the lesson and try to learn it so that you won’t repeat the same mistakes in the future. Don’t become bitter towards the person or the relationship because then, you won’t see the gift of it and the role you played in it. Plus your bitterness will only affect your new relationships negatively, causing you to mistrust people before you even give them a chance.