Everyone is different, right? Of course everyone has things about them that are unique, but there are also some things that are nearly universal; like needing something or someone, or self-esteem. Though the degree may differ, the underlying premise holds true. We are all human, people, complex beings with complex needs and wants. One of these is a need to feel desired; both socially and sexually. This article is for those who feel they are not as sexually desirable as they’d like and want to do something about that. Below are ten simple tips on how to improve your sex appeal.
1 – Discover your true self. One of the big keys to feeling comfortable with your own sex appeal is in figuring out who you truly are and working with what you have. Trying to be someone else will never work. You’ll come off as phony and everyone will see it and not find it sexy at all. Look at your family background, your own history. Look at how you dress and style your hair. Think about what makes you feel comfortable. These are the things that tell you who you really are.
2 – Survey the possibilities. Once you’re certain you know who you really are, look around you at everyone else. Sex appeal comes in all shapes and sizes; in all flavors and accents. There is no one thing that is sexually appealing. That’s what makes it all so exciting and fun. Find people you connect with on some level. What is sexually appealing about them? Perhaps whatever they have, you have too and just don’t know it. The point is, look around and see if there is anything anyone else has learned or discovered about themselves that you might apply to yourself in your quest to improve your own sex appeal.
3 – Choose a style. How do you want others to see you, keeping in mind that you are who you are, not someone else? Contrast that image with what you learned about yourself in the first tip. Do the images fit together? If not, you might need to ground yourself a bit. i.e. separate fantasy from reality. Also, keep in mind that your image of yourself in comfortable ways may never mesh exactly with what you want others to see in you. For example, if you are only comfortable in sweats and old sneakers, you might have difficulty convincing yourself that others will ever find that particular look sexy. And you might be right. But then again, you might be wrong. Sexy isn’t about what you wear, or the cut of your hair. In fact, it isn’t at all about the things you do to improve your external physique. It’s about expressing yourself in ways that show who you truly are.
4 – Build your confidence. Here’s something to keep in mind. Improving your sex appeal isn’t just about causing others to see you as a sexy person. It’s also about improving how you view your own sex appeal; about getting yourself to a place where you feel sexy whether others see it or not. It’s about gaining confidence in your own opinion of yourself and knowing that you are someone that someone else could find sexually appealing. Building this confidence is not usually very easy. In fact, it’s usually pretty hard if your confidence is low. But it can be done, and the way to do it is to engage in activities in which you will succeed in things that cause you to see your own sexiness. Take salsa lessons for example, or a belly dancing class, or take up the guitar. Whatever it is that you believe makes a person seem sexier to others.
5 – Find your smile. Quite often people who have little confidence in their own sex appeal, gradually lose their smile. This is because we live in a judgmental society that places extraordinary expectations on people to be sexy or go away, and worse gives us role models that most people can never hope to live up to. To counteract this onslaught, I suggest you try giving up watching television. It can be done, lots of people are doing it. Also, you might cancel your subscriptions to magazines that promote unhealthy attitudes. Instead, find a hobby or something that ignites your passion; something that makes you happy doing it. Keep at it long enough and you’ll likely find yourself becoming a happier person, which will in all likelihood cause that smile of yours to reappear.
6 – Dance. Literally, or perhaps not. The point is, instead of watching others have all the fun, get up and get into the middle of things. Dance, or sing. Alone or with others. Draw or write or learn to play the guitar. In short, express yourself in exuberant ways. Let your joy loose. Do things that make you feel alive and comfortable feeling that way. Doing so will not only make you happier, it will improve your self-confidence and make you feel sexier all of the time.
7 – Take some chances. There is just something in human nature that causes people to feel something unlike anything else they will feel in normal times as when they do something that is somewhat risky. Granted, the things that you might consider risky might be quite different from what others might think, but still, it’s that risk taking, that fear of reprisal should things go astray that causes that rush of euphoria to cascade up and down your spine. And when you do it, people will see it in your eyes. And like it.
8 – Learn from mistakes. Unfortunately there are some things that happen in life that quite literally crush our feelings of sexiness. One of course is rejection. Maybe that’s the only one actually, but the point is, there will always be someone or something that can cause you to feel like the least sexy thing that ever lived. When this happens, remind yourself that it’s temporary. The feeling will pass, if you let it. Give yourself some time, think about what led to the bad experience, learn what you can from it, and move on.
9 – Relax. It’s easy to get carried with self bashing. It’s even easier if we have no real proof in our lives that there truly is something sexy about our own selves. But just because it’s easy, that doesn’t mean we should give in to it. There are plenty of self-help books out there; tons of techniques that teach us how to quit clubbing ourselves over the head. The thing is, you have to read those books. Learn those techniques. Do whatever it is you need to do to learn to quit being so hard on yourself. Just do it, as they say.
10 – Practice believing. Finally, it’s not really enough to just do the things listed here. You have to keep doing them, over and over. You have to reward yourself for small progress, and do the things that help you feel sexy often. Incorporate them into your routine. Whether it’s a bubble bath, chopping wood, or beating the daylights out of someone in volleyball, it’s something you need to do or your view of yourself will ebb away while you’re not paying attention.
The ten simple tips above on how to improve your sex appeal can be used by anyone, male or female who is having some difficulty appreciating their own assets. If you are someone in such a position, I hope these tips have helped.