It always amazes me how many of my guy friends come to me for advice on how to meet women. Time after time, I listen to them recite recent encounters with the opposite sex, confused at the predictable outcome. More often than not, their efforts have failed. Again.
There is no magic answer to the question, “How do I meet women?“. I can simply tell you what I’ve seen work in my experience.
Where Do I meet Women?
Again, no one answer will yield consistent results. The trick here is to focus less on where you are, and more on what is going on around you.
Lesson #1: Be Aware Of Your Surroundings
Being observant when out on the town can be all the effort you need to put in during your quest to meet women. Look for females who seem unencumbered. Example: Hitting on the hottie struggling with an armload of packages, talking on her cell phone and fumbling with her keys in the mall parking lot is ill-advised. This woman is not in a head-space to appreciate clever pick-up lines, and is likely not interested in being informed at that very moment that she is, in fact, “hot”.
You may, of course, offer your chivalrous services to a damsel in distress. In this day and age, however, her distracted response to your offer of help may be a few pumps of her pepper-spray canister, or a threat to call the cops if you come any closer. Women have been trained, and for good reason, to be on a constant alert, and to be wary of guys they don’t know.
To avoid getting snared in this unfortunate man-trap, approach a woman only when, upon observation, you determine she appears to be relaxed, and potentially open to communicating.
It’s All in The Body Language
Look for subtle clues she’s open to meeting you, or better yet, that she’s as interested as you are. Look for signs like crossed arms, looking away repeatedly, and legs folded away from you to let you know when a person is feeling closed up, and uncomfortable. A head cocked to one side while listening, playing with ones hair, smiling, eye contact, and an overall relaxed, open body language suggest a receptive mind frame..
Lesson #2: How To Meet A Woman From Across the Room
Whether you are at a party, in the break room at work, sitting at a bar, on the subway, or shopping in a store, you can use these social settings as exercises in learning how to meet women.
Keep an eye out for ladies who lounge. If her sitting style looks open, her arms are uncrossed, and she appears relaxed, chances are she may be open to meeting you. It may benefit you to initiate some eye contact, and if she maintains this with you, branch out into conversation.
When choosing your proximity to a lady in question, remember: never enter her space bubble! This personal comfort zone extends roughly three feet in all directions from a person’s body. While men and women alike become disturbed by people getting right in their faces, women are more likely to notice even subtle intrusions, and become more defensive.
So, where to sit (or approach from)? When possible, choose a seat across from your prospect, even if the one next to her is available. Face-to-face contact at a slight distance is better than being shoulder-to-shoulder with her, as this better allows her brain to start processing things about you. If there is any interest there, her neurons will soon begin to decide how they feel about every detail of your appearance, almost immediately: the way you stand or sit, the color of your eyes, your body type, the way you dress, your speech patterns, your smell, and many other areas. On her end, her brain will process this data, and come to a conclusion about how to feel towards you, right there with that very first impression. On your end, this analysis will result in either reward, or rejection. No pressure!
So, you’re standing there in the bookstore when you see her. Over in the cafe. She’s perfect: attractive, relaxed-looking, and outgoing. You’ve already seen her place her order, and she was friendly to the staff. She also kept up some small talk with the lady behind her in line. She isn’t chattering away on a cell phone, and she doesn’t seem in a hurry. She gets her order, and takes a seat.
Now, you’ve been using your lessons, and you’ve studied her for a few minutes (in a nonchalant manner, of course…you want to appear interested, not intent. Nobody likes a stalker.) You’ve read the signals she’s putting out, and you’ve made some good observations. Now, you have a decision to make. Do you approach her? And if so, what do you say? How do you meet women during the course of their daily activities without seeming intrusive, or a pest?
Lesson #3: Talk To Her
And I do mean to her, not at her. Too many guys I know have some prepared script they feel they need to adhere to when approaching a female. Guess what, Guys? Wemaytalkback. You may be expected to keep our attention with actual conversation. So, be ready.
Don’t write the whole dialog in your head before you even open your mouth to say “Hello”. You may end up so focused on trying to remember whatever clever remark you had a minute ago that you completely miss vital information, or signals, being tossed your way.
Lesson #4: Pay Attention When She Talks To You
We women understand you guys get nervous sometimes. Hey, so do we. However. If we tell you our name and where we work, but after listening to you introduce yourself for five minutes, you have to ask us all over again, it does not bode well. It can advertise issues with being too self-absorbed, or at the very least, alert us to possible ADD. Either way, not good for you.
If you want to meet women, then make sure once you do, you listen to them. Absorb words and information that may come in handy. Women love it when things we say get vomited back to us later on; it shows you were paying attention to us. Most women long to be heard, so if you can demonstrate a capability for doing this right off the bat, it may be your best secret weapon.
You Can’t Win ‘Em All
As with poker, sometimes even when you’ve done everything right, luck will not be with you. There will be times when you will simply have to know when to walk away. You can put yourself out there, select a promising prospect, observe her signals and use an appropriate approach, and still get shot down. She may sweetly tell you she’s flattered, but married. Or has a boyfriend.
Conversely, you may encounter someone who acts offended if you approach her at all; perhaps storming away, informing you, with scorn, that she’s a lesbian. Either way, these women are obviously not the best choices in a crowd of women to waste any more effort on.
Lesson #5: Know When To Let Go
I know guys who would try to persuade the women who expressed that they were spoken for to date them anyway. Or guys that, especially when out with their buddies, would follow, taunt, or otherwise harass women who shot them down. Not only is this behavior completely unacceptable, it is non-productive.
Nobody likes being rejected, but it is a reality that you will face when learning how to meet women. Stop thinking of rejection as “failure“, and think of it as another opportunity to go out there, and meet someone right for you. There are plenty of fish in the sea; so, if she swims away, just float right on.