Every party has it and every host hates it, the overly intoxicated attendee. Whether you are that attendee far too often, or you simply do not like puke on your porch and cops in your living room, sometimes you need to know how to sober a person up.
First, a reality check, there is no actual method to become no longer drunk. None of the following suggestions will take you or your guest from a stumbling slur of intoxication to driving home ready any sooner than the recommended hour per drink. What they will do is restore some sense and dignity to a drunk by adding clarity, and well, a bit more sobriety to the mix. You/they will still not be driving home any time soon, but will be a touch less of an ass. As an added bonus, many of these methods to sober up also will reduce the dreaded effects of a hang over.
So let’s get to it, How to sober up faster:
Step One: Stop drinking
This step is harder if the person you are trying to sober up is you, obvious answer now, but not so clear after six shots of everclear. The more your drink, the longer it will take you to become sober. So if less drunk is your goal, stop the liquor train. Be it you or someone else the easiest way to do this is to get rid of the alcohol. If you don’t have it to drink, you won’t drink it. A great solution? Hide it. Drunks are not very good at hide in seek. Put it somewhere, distract and presto, “Ah, man we’re out of booze!”
Step Two: Refuel
You’ll be able to handle your alcohol better and have less a chance of needing to sober up if you eat a filling meal before you begin, and try to drink water throughout the night. However this is not “How to not become drunk as fast”, it’s “How to sober up faster” and the same concepts will help. Start with breaded acid absorption. Before you start loading things in you want to be sure they will stay there unless you are desperate or the sobering up is a health concern not a social one, then see, “Another option below.”
The same way crackers or bread will help with nausea it will help prevent someone who has had too much to drink from puking, while helping to absorb the alcohol in their stomach. Go for simple grain foods such as toast. Adding jam or Honey will especially help as new studies show foods high in fructose (sugar) help counter act the effects of alcohol. If your tooth isn’t sweet the next best thing is a bacon and egg sandwich. The protein gets your metabolism revving while the bread does its thing. The grease of the bacon is also claimed to coat the stomach and help more with nausea. This claim is not supported scientifically, but if grease works for you, go for it.
Next, go for a cup of joe, or anything caffeinated. Caffeine will not actually reduce the effects of alcohol. What it will do is sharpen the mind and restore some focus in effect sobering you or the person you’re trying to sober up, up. Still drunk, but no longer wearing a lampshade as a hat.
Once some normalcy has returned to your overly intoxicated patient, re-hydrate. Alcohol and caffeine will both dehydrate the body severely. This is what causes hangovers as well. Get as much water down the hatch as possible. Another perk? Water plus alcohol equals urination assisting the kidneys and liver in processing all those cocktails.
Two easy steps and by now you or your party crasher, should be well on your way to sober and feeling much better.
If sober has still not been reached, Step Three: Cold Shower.
No real explanation needed here, a cold shower shocks just about anyone out of a drunken haze.
In the case, that the above has no effect, or intoxication has hit an unsafe level (alcohol poisoning), the best step is to skip all the steps and induce vomiting immediately. You/They will not enjoy this, but it will get the alcohol out and fast. This can be done by inserting a finger down the throat, or if you are not the one you’re trying to sober up try talking about really unpleasant things, be vivid. Alternatively, introduce rancid smells (think litter box). If you cannot induce vomiting, seek medical care.
In closing, after all this get some rest. Sleep will sober a human up faster than anything else will and is the safest bet around.