One of the easiest ways to gain confidence in an environment laced with uncertainty and the faint scent perspiration triggered by fear(fearspiration), is to take control of and seize said environment. Owning the world around you opens new avenues of creativity and inner piece. Taking steps needed to own everything within reach is as easy as entering a room, and assessing your surroundings.
Kick your feet out and throw your arms around with each step.
This outright cartoonish approach should only be used as a last resort. Because of it’s difficulty level, there’s a risk of attaining serious injury. don’t blame me if you end up busting your foot on the edge of a table or something. For a visual aid of what this looks like, I suggest searching YouTube for “Vince McMahon walk”.
Move things around.
Just start walking up to random objects, or even people, and start picking up and rearranging them. If asked “What in the name of Salomon Grundy do you think you are doing?”, just reply with one of my old stand bys: Oh don’t worry, checks in the mail! Such a random response should defuse any and all apprehensive scuffles before they have a chance to begin.
Give orders.
“Hey you, go stand over there.” or “give me back my retainer, otherwise I’ll be forced to call somebody who’s equipped to make you give it back!” are good examples of orders you probably want to avoid giving. A few lighthearted suggestions may be a good alternative until you’ve mastered this technique.
Complain about the Feng Shui.
This is not the same thing as moving things around. complaining is simply yapping about the lack of symmetry in the surrounding area. I would assume everybody knows how to complain, but not everyone does it effectively.
For pointers, you may want to observe the comedy stylings of the late great Rodney Dangerfield. This man managed to make a career out of complaining about the lack of respect people gave him throughout his entire life. Mr. Dangerfield was truly a revolutionary and gifted human being.
As an expert on this subject I can’t help but stress the importance of pacing yourself. Releasing an tsunami of whining is not the way to go. If you wish to be effective with your criticism, you must start small and build up over time. It’s kinda like making a pyramid. Use bricks of judgmental anguish to build a structure that would suggest in a past life, you may have complained in the presences of King Tut himself.
