Are you going to be a Maid of Honor soon? If so, here are some original jokes or one-liners that you can use to liven up your speech or make the ceremony more memorable for everyone. Hope you can use at least one of them. Write them down on some paper and take them with you in case you run out of things to say.
1. I have known the bride through thick and thin. And I accept responsibility for most of the thick because of the quarts of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream I took to her house when my boyfriends left me.
2. We had her bachelorette party in Las Vegas and she passed out. Yes, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. We hired a stand-in actor for today’s ceremony.
3. The bride and I have known each other a long time, since college in fact, and I never thought she would get married so soon after getting her degree. I remember the valedictorian talking about how people should live their lives and experience everything they can before they settle down. That college graduation seems so long ago but most of you remember it. From last night.
4. This marriage may seem a little rushed but it’s not. That little bump on her belly is not a baby bump. Yeah, right. The Good Lord woke up today and decided that He would play a little trick on people.
5. I want to thank the bride for some of the best memories of my life. Like that time when she let me borrow her college boyfriend for a week. Thanks, honey. What? I thought you knew.
6. Last night we had the bridal shower and boy was it fun. I don’t remember much about it beyond the haystack, the lightning bolts, and those seven police cars.
7. I’m here as your maid of honor and your best friend forever. But please don’t ask me for anything during “Grey’s Anatomy” or “Dancing with the Stars” or the weekends or the first part of the work week. But any other day is fine.
8. Now that you’re married, we will no longer be forced to compete against each other for gorgeous men. Not that we won’t compete, we just will not be forced to compete. Sorry, new hubby.
9. Your life will be different now. First, a few months of bliss. Then the arguments. Then money fights and him stealing glances at women in bikinis. Then dishes thrown against the wall. Wait, you’ve been through all that already.
10. Bride and best friend, I have always been there for you and you for me. We have been inseparable through all the years. I knew you couldn’t live without me so I’ve moved into your basement. The U-Haul truck is there now with the movers. See, that’s the proper kind of maid of honor.
Original jokes and one-liners by the author of this article