Too many times we blame the other woman and not our mates for the troubles/problems in our relationships. We become enraged and accuse the other woman of being the home wrecker. Our mates are innocence until proven guilty, or until they can figure out a really good lie and ask for forgiveness.
My mate of twenty something years and the father of our three children proved over and over that love rises above all or does it ?
I knew of four affairs that happened during our time together. There were more, but these are the ones I know of. Some lasted for months, while others lasted for years. Why did I let this happen? Why didn’t I leave? I thought that if I made him happy, things would get better. I felt that he loved me and he often told me this, especially after
I ‘d catch him in a lie or cheating. My parents were together for over thirty years until my father suddenly died of a heart attack. I could only imitate what I had seen my parents do. They never argued, smoked, drink, cursed or be unkind to one another. My mother and father were devoted to us, their children. We knew only love from them and discipline which was rarely needed. So, this is how I needed to be with my mate, devoted to making a good family and wife.
Eventually , I stopped loving him and began to despise him, because he knew that I wasn’t going to leave him or better yet do anything to him. He still had all the benefits of a wife and family. In other words he had his cake and was able eat it too. I continued to put up with his infidelity just to keep us together as a family.
Even when I discovered he had a child outside of our relationship, I still didn’t leave. He told me that it was a one night stand and he didn’t know for a while that he had a child. He said that when he did find out , the mother wouldn’t let him see his son. I felt sad for him instead of being mad. His son was sixteen, four years younger than our oldest daughter and older than our two youngest. I found out while cleaning once, during the time my mate was on vacation, supposedly by himself. I was cleaning out a container that he kept by the bed which held video tapes and found a picture of a young man with a tuxedo on.
From the picture the young man look familiar,although I had never seen him before. When I asked my mate about the picture , he admitted that the child in the picture was his child, and it was a one night stand. Then he continued to tell me how sorry he was that he didn’t tell me about the child, because he thought that I would leave him. He also talked about how much he missed seeing his child and not being there for him as a father. He reinforce the fact that his son’s mother refused to let him see his son or have anything to do with him. I left the room and on the way out I heard him say to his best friend,” Man, she found out and I’ know I’m out of here”.
I returned to the bedroom and said to him “I want to meet him”.
He replied “Why”. Because were are going to be together, he is your child, so he will be part of our family, I answered. I looked directly in his face as I spoke to him to see the excitement of the good news, that we were staying together and I was accepting his son. The expression on his face wasn’t excitement, nor did it match the sadness in his voice when he told me about not being there for his son. He reluctantly agreed for me to meet him.
I met him on a late Sunday afternoon. It was chaotic because we were putting together a program and many people were about. He was sitting in his father’s office, slightly slouched ,wearing sunglasses with two fingers placed across his lips. He didn’t bother to make any movement when I entered. I said, ” Hi, are you Charles” ? He slowly nodded his head forward and down, signaling a yes. I extended my hand to greet him and introduced myself, as he reached for my hand he said “hi”. We had a general conversation about age, school and likes. During our conversation, he never move from his original position and he spoke with some sharpness to his voice. I didn’t know if this was how he usually spoke or was he being rude ? Couldn’t tell.
During the whole evening, my mate avoided both of us like the plague, his son and I. Although, as the evening went along, we became at ease with one other and had some good conversation about his sisters and brother that he never met. I told him we will get together soon if his mother didn’t mind.” Why would she mind ?’ he asked. Then I realized that his father had lied again. I replied, “I don’t know her and I want to make sure it’s alright for you to come over”. We ended the evening with a hug and a promise to meet again soon.
Although this isn’t the end of this story, I must end it here because it goes on and on. Our children did meet his son.