There was a point in time when I didn’t play video games for hours everyday. There was a point in time when I didn’t read comic books. I didn’t even watch movies or television except for Saturday Morning cartoons. So what did I do in those days? I collected baseball cards.
I don’t remember what exactly was so exciting about baseball cards. They don’t really do anything. I guess you can read the back of them, but how long does that actually last? You can trade them with your friends but I don’t remember my friends having that many baseball cards. Why where they so fun? I don’t really know.
I do remember playing with baseball cards. At the time there were three major card companies. First there was Topps. Topps had kind of a classic look to them. Topps cards were usually pretty simple with either a plain white border or some kind of wood pattern for a border. They looked kind of ugly to me but I remember they seemed to be the most common so I had many of them. Topps was also the traditional card and they dated back all the way to 1938.
Score looked like they were baseball cards for kids. They always had borders around them that were very colorful, but not normal colors, very bright colors and colors that did not at all go with manly sports. Score cards were usually adorned with bright orange and purple borders as if a toddler had just scribbled on them with crayons.
Another set of cards belonged to Donruss. I think Donruss was my favorite at the time. Donruss had a more updated look than Topps but the colors were just plain colors like black and blue and not the ugly colors that Score had.
Then one day things changed. Upper Deck came to town. Upper Deck was like the new cool kid in town. Upper Deck walked in with its leather jacket and sunglasses like “the Fonz” on Happy Days. Suddenly everybody wanted the new sleek Upper Deck cards. Donruss, Score and the classic Topps were left sitting at their booth like Richie, Potsie and Ralph wishing that they could be the one to make out with Pink Tuscadero but they couldn’t because Upper Deck got all the action. Upper Deck cards got nicer and nicer, forcing the price of cards up until I could no longer afford baseball cards. Upper Deck killed my baseball card hobby.
I have not heard anything about baseball cards for probably close to twenty years now. Suddenly the other day I saw a story about baseball cards that caught my eye. It read along the top:
“Upper Deck seeking to buy Topps.”
What? Upper Deck is the cocky popular guy! He’s not supposed to win! Upper Deck ruined baseball cards! Upper Deck buying Topps, the traditional card company, is like the Tampa Bay Devil Rays buying the New York Yankees. Upper Deck buying Topps is like Britney Spears singing a duet with Frank Sinatra. Upper Deck buying Topps is like Ashton Kutcher starring in a movie with Cary Grant! Topps introduced Bazooka bubble gum! Upper Deck introduced baseball cards that were too expensive! We can’t let this happen.
I have to make sure Upper Deck does not buy Topps. Fortunately there is another group that wants to buy Topps. Unfortunately that group is led by…Michael Eisner. Ahh, Eisner, my mortal enemy, we meet again. You are the man who mismanaged Disney’s agreement with Pixar and nearly lost them forever. We’ve never gotten along Eisner but I realize in this situation I have to go with the lesser of two evils. After all Eisner, you are no longer CEO of Disney and Pixar is back where it belongs. So just like in the movies how about we team up this once time. We’ll take our money, put it together and we’ll buy Topps together and keep them away from Upper Deck forever. I got $37.42. How much you got?