A mother was gunned down at her place of employment by a co-worker in Jacksonville recently…
There is Genocide in Darfur…
Someone is believed to have sabotaged the space shuttle…
And President Barack Obama killed a bug.
Not just any bug, but a “PETA protected” bug. And yes, this royal smack down made national headlines.
PETA stands for “People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals”. A bug weaseled its way into the President’s “protective area” and sparked a national debate about the safety of bugs. In realistic terms, PETA is 38-hot with our president for his Mr. Miyagi style swat against an insect last week. PETA issued a statement hoping the President will take a more humane approach the next time he crosses paths with a housefly. PETA offers a pretty good solution to eliminating insects. A device called the Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher allows you to trap a bug and release it outside. Hmm, I bet the makers of “Raid” roach spray are shaking in their boots.
Once and for all, we need to put the feud between PETA and normal humans to rest.
So, to all those who support the PETA organizations position on this bug, and all other bugs for that matter, I will now speak on behalf of normal people, in your native language which I believe to be is…um,…Petian.
Letter to the Petians:
We are normal-minded humans and we come in peace, I think.
We are sorry that your PETA protected insect got the high five from our almighty Bug Beater in Chief. But let’s look at it this way, your little buzzing buddy made national news. Sounds like that may be a first for all of insect-kind. Something you should be proud of. He or she flew for a cause and took one for the team. Give Obama credit, at least he didn’t let out an “evil laugh” afterwards.
I will advise you to not make much of a stink about it, as I know of some economically challenged brothers who may be willing to hold a mosquito or two hostage for a pretty penny. Don’t get us wrong, we like animals. But are less likely to launch a national witch-hunt if an insect bites the dust at the hands of a human.
I hate to break it to you PETA but if you haven’t noticed, there’s a black family currently in the White House. I’m not sure if you follow the news but they have a dog. I can just about guarantee you that if that dog jumps on Sasha or Malia, growls nastily or rips down the living room curtains, he’s getting the same high five across the backside your little insect friend got.
Nonetheless, good luck with the Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher. Sounds like a bunch of people in bug-infested areas would really choose that over a can of Hot Shot, or better yet, a good old pair of shoes.
The Normal-Minded Human Society