Osama bin Laden has made us a proposition. He is willing to end the war if the American people will denounce Democracy and embrace Islam. No more threat of terrorism, he’ll call off al Qaida; all we have to do to feel safe and secure in our homeland is to join him.
We of course will have to give up our freedom of speech. This means we can no longer criticize the government. We will not be able to call Osama’s “elected president” a liar and blame all our woes on him. There are all sorts of methods to stop such rebellion.
The second thing we will have to give up is our freedom of religion. If we embrace Islam there will be no more problems. Osama says we are not capable of making decisions for ourselves and that we would be taken care of by his government. However, if you cannot follow the religious rules set out for you, don’t worry; you won’t be around much longer anyway.
The right to keep and bear arms will be a thing of the past. There will be no Second Amendment rights. In fact, the whole Constitution will be set aside. We won’t have to argue about our constitutional rights. There won’t be any.
Women’s rights will be a thing of the past. Osama wants all women to be submissive to men and woe be unto the woman that gives birth to a daughter. The men only want sons. Abortion will not be allowed in the new regime. However, putting a blanket over a baby girl’s head will be accepted. This will not be a widely known fact as it is only spread by “gossip.”
The style of women’s clothing will be drastically changed. There will be no competition for the “best dressed woman.” We will all dress in a similar style. This of course will prevent a lot of shopping and save money.
School will cost a lot less as you only have to educate your sons. They will be taught to hate and be cruel. Daughters will be kept at home with their mothers and taught to be submissive wives.
Parents will not have to worry too much about their teenage daughters, which may be a good thing. They will not be allowed to leave the house without a chaperon. However, should they manage to discretely slip out of the house to be with their boyfriend, they could become the victim of an “honor killing.” The family cannot be disgraced by such indiscretion; those things aren’t talked about out loud, only in a whisper.
Hollywood will only be a memory. No more movies containing violence, sexual content or…in fact no more movies at all. Turner Classic Movies would bring back too many memories; we might begin to remember what a Democratic America was like and decide it wasn’t so bad after all.
Think of the money that can be saved on political campaigns. There will be no need for debate as there will not be a choice of which politician to vote for. There will only be one name on the ballot. Democratic elections will be a thing of the past. Osama’s man will be unanimously elected.
No thanks Osama. I choose Democracy and the right to worship my God the way I want. You can crawl back into your hole.