If you are wondering why spouses sometimes cheat, it may be because they are not getting enough attention as they first did when they were newlyweds. This is a problem that holds true in so many relationships. After the honeymoon stage has set in and you are not paying attention to your spouse, if they do not have a firm set of values, they will inevitably seek out to gain the attention of someone else.
If a spouse does not have a firm set of values to begin with, then you can count on somewhere along the line, they will probably cross the line.
Another reason a spouse may cheat, is because they are looking for some adventure in their life! Sometimes, a person can do everything right and give their mate all the attention and love they can to only find out it would have never been enough. This, is really not your fault. The spouse is seeking out a new adventure in their own life and because the cheating adds a new thrill they find themselves doing what they once thought they would never do.
Maybe it’s the chase, or the adventure of being secretive. It doesn’t matter, it still is reasons why some spouses will cheat!
The hard part to deal with this, is the feelings one has. Why did they do this to me? Why wasn’t I good enough for them? I thought we were so much in love and now they did this!
It may not just be about you! Sometimes people have their own inadequate self ego and there is a need to fulfill that ego with another person outside of the relationship. It may not make it right, but it does happen for that reason and has no bearing on you as an individual.
Cheating can begin almost immediately in a relationship or it can happen many years later. In most cases, no one planned on cheating the first time. Cheating usually occurs the first time usually due to a set of circumstances. However, plans for cheating will usually follow on a continuum if not discovered right away.
From hormonal changes to mid -life crisis, these are also variants that can cause one to step outside of their committed relationships.
Women go through hormonal changes before during and after pregnancy which may predispose them to step into the world of cheating on their spouse. Women also go through menopause, which more than likely won’t be a reason for her to cheat, but may play a part in her partner to cheat because the woman may not want to have sex very much during this time, or may be getting too dry during sex. (There are things that can be done to alleviate a problem of dryness during sex).
Both women and men go through a mid-life crisis. Men and women experience some of the same feelings at mid-life although the reasons may vary somewhat. Feelings range from feeling inadequate to being bored with life itself.
When a person starts aging, they will often feel very flattered when someone outside their longstanding relationship sits up and takes notice of them!
But what stops some from crossing the line while others decide to take the jump into something new?
Again, the answer to this question is varied and can’t be answered with just one answer. It still falls into the category of the prior factors I have already stated. It is just now, it is a different phase happening in a person’s life.
She did it because he did it. This is very true and it does happen often just that way. A matter of revenge. It may also happen to because there may be other underlying issues and the mate may being trying to get out of the relationship, so instead of dealing with the relationship the right way, they will deliberately have an affair in hopes for their spouse to find out and leave them.
I know this sounds crazy, but it really has happened that way for some!
Cheating may also be an avoidance response from a spouse. They may be trying to avoid growing up and being responsible. So, if they get into another relationship with someone else, they are averting their attention into something else.
Sometimes people cheat because it is like an addiction. Once they do it, it becomes addicting to them.
Is there anyway to safeguard ourselves from a partner cheating?
Probably not, because people are unpredictable and they change sometimes so quick our head will spin.
The biggest key, is to understand oneself and always try to do the very best we can do in any given situation. The truth is, we can give it our very best and still have to succumb to a cheating spouse.
A cheating spouse don’t have to mean a broken relationship. If a partner has cheated on you, depending upon the circumstances that surround the event, will require each partner to review the incident and to talk openly about the incident. Maybe through some counseling or talking through the incident, you can use this as a means to actually get your relationship back on track.
Changing the bad incident into a positive thing will not be easy. It will require forgiveness and trying to regain trust again. In time trust will be restored. A person will have to do some hoop jumping and prove themselves to the spouse they cheated on.
It will also mean you will have to get over your own bad feelings and maybe even forgive yourself for some of the things you may have done to contribute to your partner cheating on you.
Regardless if someone has cheated one time or a hundred times, it is totally up to the couple as to what will happen from the point of discovery. If both parties agree to stay in the relationship and try, then of course, the past cheating will have to stop and the couple will have to be able to communicate their feeling to each other and then set a precedence from that point on.
One thing I am certain of and that many couples will agree upon is; due to the high risk of getting such things as Aides and other sexually transmitted diseases, a lot of couples more then likely will not take a risk to have another partner or multiple partners.
My advice to couples to help you so that you may not ever have to face a cheating mate is as follows:
Try to make your life with your partner interesting and maybe even exciting.
Don’t be a nag or irritate your mate continually. If you know something you do will aggravate your partner then don’t do it.
Make your partner aware that some things are going to change and why. Help your partner to understand some of the feelings you may be going through. Also be willing to accept the changes your mate is making.
Communicate as much as possible with your partner. Communication always serves to buffer ill feelings or tension in a relationship. Also know when to step back and allow your mate some time alone and time to sort out things for themselves.
Be willing to adjust and make changes if possible as to please your mate.
It may not be totally in your hands regardless of how much you do or not do, but if you do all you can do in your part of the relationship, you will be able to walk away knowing that you did do all you could have done.