It is hard when you end a relationship. One may feel guilty. One may feel hurt. Both people may want to hang on to part of this past relationship. As tears are falling and that last bag is packed or that last goodbye is being said, one of you may say, ‘I hope we can stay friends.’ Right then and there that sounds like a perfectly reasonable offer.
But now time has past. Is it still a good idea?
Of course, if there are children in the picture. It is always best if you can stay friendly with an ex. It just makes things easier for everyone. You know there will be many social occasions that the two of you will be sharing for the rest of your lives and that there will always be decisions that you will have to make together. But if there are no children, circumstances may be different.
But, wait, shouldn’t we all be friends? Yes, that is a nice thought. I would love to be friends with everybody. Yet, I realize that there can be problems when you are friends with certain people, especially as new relationships begin to form.
Is it fair to your new girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband to watch you being friendly with an ex? Sure they may say it is okay and may actually like the person themselves, but deep down you should wonder do they worry, do they fear this person and are just afraid to say this to you.
What about past emotions? They could come back to life. You may think these emotions are dead, but temptations happen, we are human. If we are in new relationships is it fair to tempt faith. Think about it, you were attracted to this person in the past, deep down you may still be attracted to him/her.
Is it fair of you to expect your ex to like seeing you happy (hopefully you are)? If he/she isn’t in a relationship, it can be hard for him/her.
You share things with the ex. You are bound to talk about past friends or past stories that your new guy/girl doesn’t know or understand. Is this fair to exclude him/her?
In the perfect world we all our friends. We all get along great. We don’t stray. We are only attracted to the person we married or are dating. We also never have feelings for the people, we once were involved. Our brains and bodies understand that that person is our past.
Yet, this is not a perfect world and we are not perfect.
For these reasons and more, you may want to rethink the idea of being friends with your ex, friendly maybe, friends maybe not, at least not close ones.