(Star Trek theme music in the background.)
KIRK:(Off camera.) Kirk’s log, star date 9876543210… Spock, Bones, Scotty, Sulu and I are still playing the ancient game of golf at the Federation Retirement Home located on the planet Liverspot in the double star system of Bush and Cheney.
(Cut to the first tee of the golf course. Scotty is once again tinkering with the antimatter golf cart while Kirk and the rest are driving golf balls into the green.)
SCOTTY: Capt’n, I dunno why she broke down again! It’ll take a bloody miracle to get her going again!
KIRK: (Sighing.) I should be used to this routine by now. Whether it be the Enterprise or a golf cart, we always need a miracle. Scotty, we’ll check back on you later.
BONES: That blasted golf cart is gonna give us all ulcers, and then I’m gonna have to come out of retirement and perform medical miracles on all of us!
SPOCK: You humans certainly let your emotions get the best of you.
BONES: Well don’t let logic get the best of you, Spock. That theory of yours is the most preposterous thing I have ever heard-that we are all characters in a script and God is the scriptwriter!
KIRK: Gentlemen, please,,,we are here to enjoy ourselves. Spock, according to many religions on Earth, there is some sort of life after death. Do you think you can prove that there is in fact life after death?
SPOCK: Yes, Captain, I think I can.
BONES: This I’ve got to see!
KIRK: Fire away then Science Officer Spock.
SPOCK: As you are probably aware, 15 billion years ago the universe started out as a singularity. Then there was the BIG BANG and much light and energy was released,,,
BONES: In the beginning, the Lord said, “Let there be light.”
SPOCK: That is illogical, Doctor. The Supreme Being saying, “Let there be light” could not have been the beginning or the first act of the Supreme Being. In the beginning the Supreme Being had to have created the Hebrew language and verbal speech-so he/she could then proceed to say: “Let there be light.”
BONES: Confound it, Spock! Can’t you let anything slip through that logic net of yours? Why do you have to analyze everything to death…
KIRK: Gentlemen, please…calm down. Continue with your proof, Spock.
SPOCK: As I was saying, after the BIG BANG much light, energy and matter was released. Stars, galaxies, solar systems and planets were formed. Eventually, life as we know it was formed out of matter and energy originating from the BIG BANG.
BONES:(Chuckling.) Do you think we’ll go out with a bang as well?
SPOCK: Very funny, Doctor. The point I am making here is that the matter and energy that make up our beings has been around for the last 15 billion years. We have each existed in one form or another for that length of time.
SPOCK: That’s my line, Doctor.
BONES: Sorry…go ahead…
SPOCK: When we die, our current lives may be lost…
KIRK: …but our matter and energy will live on…Spock, you’re a genius!
SPOCK: Thank you, Captain.
SCOTTY: Capt’n! The golf cart is ready to take us to the second tee!
(Kirk, Spock, Bones and Scotty climb into the golf cart. Sulu is in the driver’s seat.)
KIRK: Mr. Sulu, set a course for the second tee, warp factor 100000000….
SULU: Aye, sir.
KIRK: So Spock, what do you think will happen to this golf cart when it finally dies?
SPOCK: Its matter and energy will continue…
SCOTTY: …but will have breakdowns along the way…
(Laughter erupts. Spock shrugs his shoulders and raises his eyebrows.)
Note: Special thanks to Gene Roddenberry and the creators of Star Trek.