Theonion.com is an hilarious print and internet media source for irreverent news and human interest stories with a decidedly “Beavis & Butthead” quality to them. I absolutely love this group of nuts that put this presentation together.
Here are some of their headlines for today’s issue:
“US To Trade Gold Reserves For Cash Through Cash4Gold.com.”
“Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny’s.”
“Potential Employee Uprising Quelled With Free Pizza.”
“Area 18 Year-Old Demands Right To Be Sexually Harassed In The Workplace.”
Under the “Opinion” heading we find two rather funny commentaries, the first titled “No Machine Can Do My Job As Resentfully As I Can,” and the uber funny juxtaposition “These Time-Management Issues Will Be Easily Resolved With A Series Of Streamlined Meetings.”
Out of Dearborn, MI we get the story, in an advertisement allegedly sponsored by Volkswagen whose headline offers hope for the future of the car companies with “Ford Reintroduces Model T Line That Made It Great.” Another transportation related headline reads “DOT Creates New Lane For Reckless Drivers,” and “Chrysler Names ’83 LeBaron CEO.” My favorite transport headline reads “Nation’s Crumbling Infrastructure Probably Some Sort Of Metaphor.”
In the Science and Technology section we find a story headlined “Bored Predator Drone Pumps A Few Rounds Into Mountain Goat,” and the Earth shattering headline “Archaeologists Discover World’s First Guy Named Marty.”
And apparently all the falderall in the US is spurring some states to drastic measures as the headline “Texas Constructs US Border Wall To Keep Out Unwanted Americans,” emphatically states.
And never ones to miss a great marketing opportunity, the Onion.com has “The Onion Store” that sells all kinds of Onion-related merchandise, for example a plastic water bottle that states “My Other Water Bottle Is 50,000 Styrofoam Cups,” or the faux newspaper headlines framed for posterity like “Black Man Given Nation’s Worst Job,” or the picture of the Titanic leaving port in Liverpool with the headline “World’s Largest Metaphor Hits Ice-Berg.”
The Onion Store also sells fake gift boxes, like the “Visor-ganizer, which is an organizer which fits on the bill of your baseball cap to keep organized all your junk. And really funny fake t-shirts like the one of Che wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Che on it.
They have some truly sick refrigerator magnets that are too racy to mention here, but some of the more hilarious are “STUDY: Alligators Dangerous No Matter How Drunk You Are,” complete with an image of a dude holding a beer and getting ready to put his hand in the mouth of an alligator, or “Chicago’s Shedd Aquarium Admits Panda Exhibit A Ghastly Mistake.” Of course my personal fav ‘fridge magnet is the one that states “Al Gore Places Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet.”
Suffice to say folks TheOnion.com is a sickly funny, irreverent and tongue-in-cheek experience that will surely bring a chuckle to even the most jaded among us. Hell, I’ll bet even Barbara “Don’t Call Me Ma’am, Call Me Senator, Because I Am Showing My Ass On National TV” Boxer would crack that rigid and likely frigid exterior.
Jeez Ma’am – lighten the Hell up. It’s not all bad, ya know. What a grouch this broad is!