Amidst all the outrage over the incendiary crapfest that is the AIG bonus scandal, there was a flurry of requests that money be taken back and at last a good suggestion from a Republican politician: that the AIG execs should commit the ritual Japanese suicide known as seppuku. Hey, a little ritual seppuku never hurt anybody who actually mattered; well, except for Yukio Mishima, I guess. What has been lost in the loud din of belated calls for oversight of the money that went to save these gray-haired old dinosaur farts is that no matter what happens with AIG, what has come before is not the issue.
Remember why AIG was given the lion’s share of the first bailout? Because AIG is so big it could not be allowed to go under. Okay, well, guess what. There is a big reason why AIG got to be so big that they could not go under and so became a pain in all our collective asses. Because Big Business thinks that all that Sherman antitrust act stuff and the idea of competition is as quaint as a young woman not performing oral on the first date. It’s just so, you know, like, well, old-fashioned.
And because what Big Business wants is what Big Business gets in America A.R. (After Reagan), we will continue to suffer needlessly and watch our money continue to go into the pockets of worthless pieces of slime just like those worthless leftovers of sperm that have been running AIG. It is to detriment of every one of us that the best part of not just every CEO in America for the past thirty years but the politicians who bowed at their feet and undid all the regulations prohibiting needless mergers and acquisitions didn’t simply run down the sweaty thighs of their mothers as their fathers disengaged their penises from the confines of those vaginas. Because so many men impregnated so many women with sperm that created the mongoloids who have been running American business and politics since the ascension of the Great Deregulator, competition in almost every industry is practically non-existent. Remember when just one company controlled the telephone industry before Ronnie brought his Raygun to town? Guess what, the way things are going ATT will become the only telephone company in America in another decade.
Try to find a competing cable station in most towns. Six companies own all of mainstream media in America and a decade from now it will probably be down to News Corp., Viacom, and Time Warner. No wonder you can’t find anything decent to watch and no wonder the Jonas Brothers, as talent-lacking and smarmy a group of young men as you’ll never want to meet, are destined to have their own variety show on ABC by this time next year. The Disney Channel created and guess what other network Disney owns? Just one guess per customers, fellas. Mergers and acquisitions are destroying America and the proof is in that disgusting blob of tapioca pudding known as AIG. When a company becomes so enormous that the government thinks it is so important it cannot be allowed to fail, there is really only one answer: Let it fail so we can begin again and get actual competition. The only people who will ever miss AIG are those bonus vampires who don’t care about you or America or anything but their mistress’ next plastic surgery.
But AIG is not alone. There are far too many companies too big to fail. The company built upon Bill Gates’ ability to steal ideas and rapidly make them far worse than the original would almost certainly not be allowed to fail. And with so many Republicans still, quite unfortunately for the future of this country, still in power in Congress, I can guarantee you that News Corp. would never in a million years be allowed to even become unprofitable.
The lesson of the AIG debacle is clear. This country is doomed until we have the strictest business regulations in the world and do not allow any merger unless the company that is created agrees to help finance another competitive entity. Considering that business executives would rather suck the marrow from the bones of their grandmother than allow competition, there’s little chance of that happening.