Don’t you think it was men that invented the toilet seat cover? I mean, I have no empirical proof (though Google and Wikipedia are but a mouse click away) but it just occurred to me that it’s probably the case. I don’t mean the cover that goes over the toilet seat; I’m talking about those little paper things from public restrooms. There is really no reason a woman would ever want to invent these things. After all women always have to use the toilet seat; so they respect the cleanliness of a good toilet seat a lot more. But guys, we’re, um…how would you say…we do it both ways?
I’d never used these things before but I was in a restroom today; one that I’m in quite a bit; and just for kicks I pulled out a toilet seat cover and sat down. (Mind you, this is what I do in my free time)…there was something very comforting about it; something very familiar. It was then that I realized of course it must have been a man who invented the toilet seat cover! We love the comforts of home! We love the feeling of being protected! We love being master of our own domain (in a manner of speaking).
However the problem with men in public restrooms is that men are sort of bipolar when it comes to public restrooms. We men can be slobs but in the bathroom, we’re Prima Donnas. And there are no “adult” and “child” men’s restrooms; there are just men’s rooms. This creates a problem when you go into a stall after a kid has been in and he’s splattered all over the place and hasn’t cleaned up. What allegiance do we have to the bathroom after we’re done? None. That’s the way with men; we come in, mark our territory, do our business, and then move onto the next conquest. It’s no different in the public toilets.
But when we happen upon a messy public restroom, we’re indignant, offeneded, and sometimes even walk away without using the toilet. So of course it makes sense that these paper toilet seat covers were invented by men who would rather cover up another man’s urine, than clean up after him.
So men, the next time you are in a stall in a bathroom and you do a little bit of your business along the side, just wipe up. That’s all we ask for, a little bit of courtesy to the next guy who comes along and sits on your sticky residue from several hours previous. But men will be men and this is why keeping these paper toilet seat cover things available in restrooms is of paramount importance. I can just imagine the next Great War being started or the next psycho serial killer going on the loose because of an incident in a public restroom where there is no toilet seat cover and they just go off the deep end.